Tomorrow...

“You have to have the bad days to appreciate the good ones.” ~Unknown

Tomorrow is going to be one of the bad days.  But I hope to look back on it in a few yrs and view it as a very good day.
I won't lie... I'm scared.  I'm scared something will go wrong.  I'm scared I'll regret it.  I'm scared I won't pull through like I hope.
But more than anything, I'm scared of what will happen to me if I don't do this.  And that is what is keeping me going.

I check in tomorrow at 12:30 and my surgery is at 2:30. 
I'm stressing myself sick! Literally...my throat hurts, slight fever, etc.  And because I can't take any meds, I'm relying on natural cures.  And if you know me, I'm anything BUT natural!  So we'll see.... seems to be working so far.

Today I'm on a liquid diet to prepare my stomach for the crap it's about to go through.  Drinking my protein isn't exactly what I enjoy doing but I better get used to it.  I had a carnation instant breakfast this morning which was fine but then I tried a protein drink for lunch... didn't love it.  I was stupid though and added some plain greek yogurt for added protein and that just made it nasty!!  But that's okay.. I'll get used to it.  And it'll be good. And I'll get myself in the shape I want to be in.

So as of midnight tonight, no food or drink.  And then it's game on!!!

It's happening!

So here I am sitting in the same room I was in 4months ago.  Then it was just to learn about my weight loss options, see what needs to be done and decide what to do...

Now here I am learning again but this time, it's about what I need to do to prepare for my surgery next week!

That's right-I'll be having the RNY Gastric Bypass surgery next Tuesday 8/14 at 2:30pm. 

Getting this scheduled was a nightmare! I actually had to go through someone else other than the insurance lady that "helped" me before because with her, nothing was getting done!  But once I did get another person to help, I was scheduled by the end of the day.

So here I am......

Gotta go learn so I'll write more soon!

Been awhile...

Figured I should update this so you all (my 2.5 readers) didn't think I've given up on this whole crazy life decision.

I haven't. It's been extremely frustrating though.  On 6/28, I received word that all my info was ready to go and had been faxed to the insurance company. On 7/10, I emailed by case worker to see if she had heard anything.  Never got back to me.  Then I called my insurance company and they said they didn't have any info at all.  So once again I emailed my case worker and she said she would re-fax it again.  I waited.... on 7/18, I emailed her asking once again if she heard anything.  She emailed and said that they reassigned by case to someone else and will refax.  I answered back asking if she was talking about when she refaxed it a few days ago and she said she never did.. and just now sent it over.  WTH?!?!?!  So on 7/20 right before leaving on vacation, I asked if she ever talked to the insurance people and heard anything and on 7/24 she came back saying they still didn't have it and she had to fax it over again.  So from 6/28-7/24, who knows what has been going on but for me, absolutely nothing!  Finally driving home from Florida, I bit the bullet and called the lady. I guess that's what I should've done all along because she said she will call my insurance and find out what's going on.  I got an email shortly after saying they have my info and will put it on priority.

Here's why I'm annoyed right now.  I did everything I was supposed to.  Paid a lot of money in co-pays and went to many dr appts and was poked many times just to get this stuff done for them in a timely manner.  Why?  Because I obviously want it done!  And it takes almost a month with my constant nagging just to make sure the insurance company has my records.

Meanwhile, we went on a cruise and I probably gained another 30lbs.  I'll never be able to eat like that again.  Nor will I ever want to!  I'm SICK of food!!!!!  But it was oh so good!

Now it's time to get back on track.  I need to study my new eating plan.  Really prepare myself for this new lifestyle.  And get ready for this next chapter of my life... that is if my insurance approves. If not, well I'm still ready for a change.

I want to run!

New goal: Country Music 1/2 Marathon 2013!  I'll be there one way or another!

Good news.... and the why

It's been a month since I posted.  A whirlwind month while trying to get everything taken care of with pre-surgery, pre-school and summer break!  Needless to say, I survived.

I have officially been medically cleared for surgery!

I was able to get my sleep study done 2 months sooner than origionally scheduled and the results came back that I have mild sleep apnea.  Since I'm getting the surgery, no further action needs done until after.  I also had my blood work done again and my levels all went up!  Who know that taking iron pills can raise your iron levels.  LOL
And I'm guessing my psych evaluation went well cuz now everything is in the hands of the insurance people.
Also during this month of not posting, we decided to book a cruise with the kids to the Bahamas.  So hopefully I can get the surgery done right after.  I need my last meals!!!

A lot of people have asked me why I'm doing this.  Why when I'm not "that big".  Well here is a few of my whys:

Going shopping with friends and only being able to buy jewelry, purses and shoes.
Worried about not being able to fit into a booth.
Being hot and out of breath all the time.
Narrow isles in stores.
Weighing in at the dr and seeing them move the little metal thingy over another notch.
Being limited to like 3 clothing stores.
Watching people analyze everything I eat.  Especially at the ice cream store.
Airplane bathrooms.. oiy!
Trays on airplane seats.
Hearing comments like "you're not THAT big" and "you have a pretty face"
Walking by teenagers or even your peers that you don't fit in with and hopeing they aren't making comments.
Having pictures taken.
Not fitting onto rollercoaster rides
Contorting my body just to paint my toes, shave my legs or wipe my butt.
Worrying about chair creaks.
Summer clothes=arm fat
NEVER getting swept off my feet or piggy back rides
Looking in the mirror and wondering what the hell happened to me.

So here I am.  Hopeing I can solve the emotional whys while fixing the physical whys. 
I want to be healthy. 
Plain and Simple.

Quick update

My bloodwork came back...most of which was good.  Turns out that I am still anemic.  Pretty major.  I am also vitamin D deficiant.  Who isn't?  So this sets me back a bit while I take more vitamins than I would ever want to try to bring it all up.  They'll retest in a month to make sure my levels go up.  Especially the iron because after surgery, I will be having to take iron anyways since I won't absorb the nutrients like normal.  Fingers crossed!!

Also because I tend to get headaches, Dr Brandon referred me to a sleep specialist who set me up for a sleep study to see if I have sleep apnea.  That would normally be just fine except they soonest they can get me in is JULY!!  Ugh!  I wanted to have everything done and submitted to insurance by then.  So that was kinda dissapointing but oh well. 

So that's it for now.  Just trying to be patient as much as I can.  I also decided to go back to college to get my teaching degree... so that's kind of big news! Lots of changes in 2012!!!!!

A step in the right direction

I had my dr appt today with my primary care dr to get a letter of approval and support as well as blood work done.  I had a mini freak out this morning because everything that could go wrong was running through my head.  What if she doesn't think it's a good idea?  What if she won't write the letter?  What if she did but the insurance still doesn't think it's enough?  How can I get my brain to look at food differently?  What am I thinking?!?!
But part of those worries were calmed when I went to see the dr.  Turns out, she had GB 6yrs ago herself.  She has experienced everything that I am now.  Yoyo dieting.  Loosing weight only to gain it back.  Being heavy her whole life.  And she was 100% behind my decision.  We went over my dieting history so she'll know what to write in the letter. She understood the importance of this letter.  We talked about what I'll need to prepare myself for.  The difficulty at first.  The complete life change.  But she said despite it all, she wouldn't change a thing.  After talking with her, I had like 8 viles of blood taken and I left feeling more at peace with my decision. 
I decided however that I will continue to see a therapist after the procedure.  I'm the type of person who wants what I can't have- especially when it comes to food.  I love food.  And my relationship with food is why I'm here.  So I need to train my mind to view it differently. To see it as fuel- and not as my reason for getting up in the morning.  Obviously I haven't been able to do this on my own so I hope someone will be able to help me.
I also bought the workout set "Insanity" today.  Jons out of town right now but when he gets back, we're going to start it together.  I want to be in the workout mode again.  My biggest concern right now with that is loosing weight.  I'm barely eligible for the surgery right now so I can't afford to loose weight.  Unless it turns out that I have sleep apnea.  Then I'll be okay  We'll see.  But I'm looking forward to doing these crazy workouts with Jon.

Until next time.....

The jist of what happens

This is a quick animation of how the gastric bypass works.



Quick summary:
Gastric bypass surgery makes the stomach smaller and causes food to bypass part of the small intestine. You will feel full more quickly than when your stomach was its original size. This reduces the amount of food you can eat at one time. Bypassing part of the intestine reduces how much food and nutrients are absorbed. This leads to weight loss.

I just need to remember:

Source: operationbeautiful.com via Nicole on Pinterest