Well that was no fun

I thought I was pretty lucky with not having to experience food getting stuck or throwing up or any of that.... I jinxed myself!!!!! Last night I went for a quick snack of some sliced turkey and string cheese. The extra protein would be good for me anyways. Guess I got too excited about it and ate too fast. And I got this crazy thick pressure pain in the center of my chest. And it kept getting worse. My food was stuck!! It hurt so bad and I knew I couldn't wait it out. It had to come up. Instant relief tho! Yeah I don't ever want to do that again!

2 weeks tomorrow!!

I can't believe it's been almost 2 weeks since my life changing surgery!  What a roller coaster ride!!
I went back to school the Wednesday after surgery so not quite a week... that may have been a little too soon but really I had no choice.  It was amazing how easy it is to get behind!  So I stopped taking pain killers after 5 days so I could drive and off I went.
I honestly thought I would never feel good.  It was rough.  I felt like I had morning sickness ALL THE TIME!  Nothing was sitting well and I was barely able to eat anything anyways.  I was stopped up for 6 days believe it or not.
But alas... the pain did go away.  And I feel great!  Had my post-op appt on Monday and I had already lost 12lbs since my last visit.  My incisions are healing nicely.  The only thing I'm really struggling with is my energy levels.  I'm so tired after I get home from school.  But I know in time that will pass too.

I read this article and I really love it... definately something I need to take to heart if I'm going to achieve my goal.

Same Old Thinking = Same Old Results
Obesity is a physical sign of an unhealthy mindset. Most people believe that losing weight involves having willpower and being perfect. This is the wrong mindset to have. Your mindset is fueled by the conversations you have with yourself. If your internal conversations are positive and healthy, your mind will follow through. These inner talks can give you the motivation to keep going or the discouragement to quit.

Another important part of permanent weight loss involves planning and perseverance. Failure and mistakes are inevitable. You have to learn how to accept them and move on. If you can't internally deal with failure, then you won't be able to move past it. This is different than defeat. Being defeated is letting failure win and letting your missteps ruin your success. The best way to keep failure from becoming defeat is by continuously working on a better mindset. Below are some ways to help you do that and keep you on the path to success.

BELIEVE IN YOURSELF
In order to do this, you have to give your all. No cliche excuses, no poor self-esteem, and no setting yourself up for failure with unrealistic goals. Trying your best can only produce positive outcomes. They may not be the outcomes you initially wanted, but believing in yourself is the first step to achieving what you set out to do.

CREATE A ROUTINE
Plan out your meals, plan out your exercise, and then follow through. The easiest way to get off track is not being prepared. Your willpower can only hold out for so long. Willpower is your brain's attempt to overcome your natural desires. Even though the brain is very commanding, natural tendencies will eventually win out. If you depend on willpower alone to lose weight, you will probably fail. If you create a rock-solid eating plan and put aside some time for exercise, then you will succeed. Meal plans, like the WonderSlim Diet Plan, will help you learn how to stay on track and maintain your success without becoming overwhelmed.

PERSEVERANCE
Expect failure and embrace it. None of this matters unless you are willing to trek on, even in the face of failure. If you treat your mistakes as lessons learned and stay the course, you will succeed. If you succumb to your failure and project it inward, you will most likely fail, fall back to your old eating habits and continue to live an unhealthy lifestyle. Accepting defeat creates an unhealthy diet cycle that, for some, never stops.

USE YOUR IMAGINATION
If a healthy eating plan is not designed to fit your needs, then it becomes very hard for you to succeed. If you don't like the food, you're probably not going to eat it. If you don't like the exercise, you're probably not going to do it. Tweak and change plans in order to make a routine easier and more enjoyable to follow. Use your imagination to create the best diet plan for you! This is the main reason for our brand new customizable diet packages. Choosing what you like to eat enables you to associate good thoughts and feelings with that food. Associating a healthy diet with positive feelings will help you to stick to the plan and be more successful in the long run.

ALWAYS BE ACCOUNTABLE
No one is responsible for your weight loss, except you. Don't blame your job, “body type”, family, or society; you will never succeed. Take control over yourself, decisions, and outlook on failures. Without positive accountability, there can never be lasting success.

DEAL WITH YOUR EMOTIONS
Many people will eat when they're sad, eat when they're happy, or eat when they're bored. Food is used as a coping mechanism for all sorts of things. If you want to change your body, then you have deal with the emotions that hinder your success. A good way to do this is only eating if you're hungry or when you have a meal planned out. If you plan ahead, then you are more likely to stay on track if your emotions get out of whack.

CHANGE YOUR PROGRAMMING
Most of us have been programmed to think that we're fat, unhealthy, and that we will never look or feel the way we want. Too often, this is a self-fulfilling prophecy. If you tell yourself that you'll always be unhealthy, then that will probably be true. The opposite is also correct. If you tell yourself you want to be healthy, stay healthy, and lose weight no matter what obstacles you may face, then you are setting yourself up for success.

STAY POSITIVE
The best way to have a healthy mindset is to stay positive. Try to find good in everything and train your mind to think in the best interest of your body. Focus on replacing unhealthy thoughts with healthy ones and your body will start to follow suit.

If you have any other questions or want to know more about how to have a healthy mindset, go over to our Facebook page by clicking the link at the top of the newsletter. You can talk with us and other dieters about anything you like. We want to hear about your successes and your failures in the hopes that people will learn from your mistakes and find motivation in your victories.

Rescheduled and now 3 days post-op

All that buildup last month for nothing... I woke up the morning of my surgery with strep throat! I was SO upset!!
So we rescheduled.
Meanwhile, we finished packing up the house, I started school and we moved.
And then Sept 6th came. 
We had to be at the hospital by 10am for surgery to start at noon.  We got there a little late but was taken back real quick to pre-op and prepped for a HUGE life change!
Surgery started at 1 from what Jon tells me and ended around 3:30.  I don't remember anything from when they put the gas mask on me.  I woke up in recovery asking when they plan on starting it.  I was already done.  And right then, naseau set in.  And I started throwing up. Not pleasant when your insides were just rerouted!
After they got that under control, the pain came on like a ton of bricks.  Thank you morphine!
I was released from recovery and got to meet my family in the waiting room while being wheeled to my hospital room.  From them on, it was just vital checks, pain meds, more vital checks and more pain meds.  I had a little scare the first night when my chest started hurting and tightening when I breathed.  They monitored it for awhile and concluded that it was gas. 
Gas has been my enemy!!! The majority of my pain has been from gas bubbles still hanging around.  My night nurse was amazing and kept me walking and checking on me.  Her replacement was not amazing.  She hardly checked on me at all.  When I buzzed for her, she wouldn't come.  When I needed pain meds, she took her time to get any.  And then when it was time to go, she didn't call for transport like she said-Jon had to go out and get her to.  I was glad to get out of there!!!
So now I'm home.. trying to drink sips of water or protein drinks and it's been difficult.  I realized that I really don't like protein drinks!  Luckily I've been able to eat a little too. Not much but like today, I had some pureed soup.  Wasn't too bad.  I'll have some refried beans with chicken tonight blended with cheese on top.  So this has been a process..
The pain has gotten better each day but I can't seem to get rid of a few very painful gas bubbles- one in my ribs and one in my left shoulder.  And I'm now sporting 5 new scars on my belly!
So that's where I'm at now.  Home trying to get used to my new stomache and heal.
I'll keep you posted!!!

Tomorrow...

“You have to have the bad days to appreciate the good ones.” ~Unknown

Tomorrow is going to be one of the bad days.  But I hope to look back on it in a few yrs and view it as a very good day.
I won't lie... I'm scared.  I'm scared something will go wrong.  I'm scared I'll regret it.  I'm scared I won't pull through like I hope.
But more than anything, I'm scared of what will happen to me if I don't do this.  And that is what is keeping me going.

I check in tomorrow at 12:30 and my surgery is at 2:30. 
I'm stressing myself sick! Literally...my throat hurts, slight fever, etc.  And because I can't take any meds, I'm relying on natural cures.  And if you know me, I'm anything BUT natural!  So we'll see.... seems to be working so far.

Today I'm on a liquid diet to prepare my stomach for the crap it's about to go through.  Drinking my protein isn't exactly what I enjoy doing but I better get used to it.  I had a carnation instant breakfast this morning which was fine but then I tried a protein drink for lunch... didn't love it.  I was stupid though and added some plain greek yogurt for added protein and that just made it nasty!!  But that's okay.. I'll get used to it.  And it'll be good. And I'll get myself in the shape I want to be in.

So as of midnight tonight, no food or drink.  And then it's game on!!!

It's happening!

So here I am sitting in the same room I was in 4months ago.  Then it was just to learn about my weight loss options, see what needs to be done and decide what to do...

Now here I am learning again but this time, it's about what I need to do to prepare for my surgery next week!

That's right-I'll be having the RNY Gastric Bypass surgery next Tuesday 8/14 at 2:30pm. 

Getting this scheduled was a nightmare! I actually had to go through someone else other than the insurance lady that "helped" me before because with her, nothing was getting done!  But once I did get another person to help, I was scheduled by the end of the day.

So here I am......

Gotta go learn so I'll write more soon!

Been awhile...

Figured I should update this so you all (my 2.5 readers) didn't think I've given up on this whole crazy life decision.

I haven't. It's been extremely frustrating though.  On 6/28, I received word that all my info was ready to go and had been faxed to the insurance company. On 7/10, I emailed by case worker to see if she had heard anything.  Never got back to me.  Then I called my insurance company and they said they didn't have any info at all.  So once again I emailed my case worker and she said she would re-fax it again.  I waited.... on 7/18, I emailed her asking once again if she heard anything.  She emailed and said that they reassigned by case to someone else and will refax.  I answered back asking if she was talking about when she refaxed it a few days ago and she said she never did.. and just now sent it over.  WTH?!?!?!  So on 7/20 right before leaving on vacation, I asked if she ever talked to the insurance people and heard anything and on 7/24 she came back saying they still didn't have it and she had to fax it over again.  So from 6/28-7/24, who knows what has been going on but for me, absolutely nothing!  Finally driving home from Florida, I bit the bullet and called the lady. I guess that's what I should've done all along because she said she will call my insurance and find out what's going on.  I got an email shortly after saying they have my info and will put it on priority.

Here's why I'm annoyed right now.  I did everything I was supposed to.  Paid a lot of money in co-pays and went to many dr appts and was poked many times just to get this stuff done for them in a timely manner.  Why?  Because I obviously want it done!  And it takes almost a month with my constant nagging just to make sure the insurance company has my records.

Meanwhile, we went on a cruise and I probably gained another 30lbs.  I'll never be able to eat like that again.  Nor will I ever want to!  I'm SICK of food!!!!!  But it was oh so good!

Now it's time to get back on track.  I need to study my new eating plan.  Really prepare myself for this new lifestyle.  And get ready for this next chapter of my life... that is if my insurance approves. If not, well I'm still ready for a change.

I want to run!

New goal: Country Music 1/2 Marathon 2013!  I'll be there one way or another!

Good news.... and the why

It's been a month since I posted.  A whirlwind month while trying to get everything taken care of with pre-surgery, pre-school and summer break!  Needless to say, I survived.

I have officially been medically cleared for surgery!

I was able to get my sleep study done 2 months sooner than origionally scheduled and the results came back that I have mild sleep apnea.  Since I'm getting the surgery, no further action needs done until after.  I also had my blood work done again and my levels all went up!  Who know that taking iron pills can raise your iron levels.  LOL
And I'm guessing my psych evaluation went well cuz now everything is in the hands of the insurance people.
Also during this month of not posting, we decided to book a cruise with the kids to the Bahamas.  So hopefully I can get the surgery done right after.  I need my last meals!!!

A lot of people have asked me why I'm doing this.  Why when I'm not "that big".  Well here is a few of my whys:

Going shopping with friends and only being able to buy jewelry, purses and shoes.
Worried about not being able to fit into a booth.
Being hot and out of breath all the time.
Narrow isles in stores.
Weighing in at the dr and seeing them move the little metal thingy over another notch.
Being limited to like 3 clothing stores.
Watching people analyze everything I eat.  Especially at the ice cream store.
Airplane bathrooms.. oiy!
Trays on airplane seats.
Hearing comments like "you're not THAT big" and "you have a pretty face"
Walking by teenagers or even your peers that you don't fit in with and hopeing they aren't making comments.
Having pictures taken.
Not fitting onto rollercoaster rides
Contorting my body just to paint my toes, shave my legs or wipe my butt.
Worrying about chair creaks.
Summer clothes=arm fat
NEVER getting swept off my feet or piggy back rides
Looking in the mirror and wondering what the hell happened to me.

So here I am.  Hopeing I can solve the emotional whys while fixing the physical whys. 
I want to be healthy. 
Plain and Simple.